Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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