It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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