summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Small penises have feelings too.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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