i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
