Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
