I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
