God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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