no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
