I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
