Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
