I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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