Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
