just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
