Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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