ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
