at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
