Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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