And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
