The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
