38 yer olds are good kisserssss
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
