I am puke
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
