I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
