Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
