I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
