Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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