Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
