Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
