God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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