If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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