this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
im on a boat
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