well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
