I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
