He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
