I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
