youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
