How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
