I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
