i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
