all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
