Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
