I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
