period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
