At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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