Already got asked if we're dating
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
