My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
