I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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