she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He passed out mid-signature
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
