very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
