I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
