I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
