Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's like iHOP with fire
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
