giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
